I miss my friend

I think I mentioned in a recent post that I would tell you all about my friend. Danyelle is her name, and she passed away March 20th of this year. She was only 41 years old, and I loved her. I met Danyelle because we worked together, and our friendship was there from the very first day. She was a beautiful person, and this world is just not as bright without her. She was diagnosed on October 18th of 2007 with cancer. She endured awful chemo treatments, only to succumb to this evil disease 5 months later.

In February her doctors said they could prolong her life, but not cure her. Shortly after that, she ended up in ICU on a respirator. Of course the doctors said she'd never come off the respirator, but they didn't know Danyelle. She's been a fighter her entire life, and she didn't give up, not even in the end. She fought and came off the respirator. For the three weeks she was in ICU, I saw her every single day with the exception of 3 days that I couldn't get there. Most of the time, I held her hand while she struggled to breathe, and talked to her about everyday things that were happening at work and in life. I wanted so much to pray her well again, but God had bigger things in mind for her.

On the last night of her life, I spent a few hours with her and then had to go home. Sweetie was out of town and my mom was staying with me. I got home only to answer a call from Danyelle's husband, Rob, telling me that she was dying. I rushed back to the hospital and stayed with her all night. I prayed out loud for Danyelle, and cried quietly when I realized she was leaving this world forever. My God, how I miss her. She died peacefully just after her daugthers got there and saw her for the first time in 2 weeks. She didn't want them to see her that way, but in the end, she was just waiting to see their faces and hear their voices. She needed her babies.

Now, 9 months after her death, I still can't hardly control the tears. Danyelle was so special to me. I've never had a friend, as an adult, that I could tell everything to that isn't family. My mom and my husband are my best friends and I love them so much, but Danyelle was that connection we all long to make as a grown-up. We could finish each other's sentences, and when needed, we could sit in silence and still understand what the other person needed. I don't think I'll ever find someone like her again. She was more than my friend, she was my confidant, my sister. We could always be honest with each other, no matter what. If I was acting a fool, she could tell me and I was ok with that. And if she was acting crazy, she always knew I'd tell her. We just understood each other. Being around Danyelle made me happy. And now that she's gone, I still have my happiness, but my heart aches in a spot that will remain filled with only her memories for the rest of my life.

Danyelle's daugthers are now MY babies. Shelby is 16, and Shea is 12. I'm not their mother, but I love those girls like my own. One night before Danyelle passed, she told me she expected me to take care of her girls. I have done everything I can to keep that promise, including shopping for bras, and explaining the birds and the bees. I just hope I'm not letting her down. My promise to her will always be fulfilled to the best of my ability.

So, although this might not seem like a tribute, it really is. There just aren't proper words to explain how much I loved Danyelle, and how horribly broken my heart is without her. Someday, I'll see her again, of that I'm sure. Until then, Danyelle, I love you, I miss you, and I'm taking care of your babies.