Ah..some clarity

I finally have a better understanding of sweetie's (my husband) motives for not wanting to tell people about the baby. Just got off the phone with him and boy, do I feel like a load has been lifted. So, this is the deal:

We have been planning on moving to Arizona for about the last year or so. Just out of the blue, sweetie decided that he wasn't sure about Arizona and that we weren't going. This was about 2 months ago. I asked him why, and he never would say, just that he changed his mind. Of course, since I'm such a mama's girl, I was estatic to be staying here. I was somewhat sad for the lost opportunity, but happy nonetheless. So, he finally tells me, after I found out I was pregnant, that he knew this was going to happen. He apparantly knew I was going to get pregnant. Call it what you will, but sweetie and both of my sons have this supernatural knowledge thing goin' on. It's freaky, but it sure helps clarify things sometimes.

So, after saying all that again on the phone tonight, he tells me that he only wants to wait to tell his family. Not because he wants to hide it, but because he wants to see them in person, explain the whole Arizona thing, and then tell them about the baby. He doesn't feel like it would be fair to tell them over the phone. We hardly see them because of distance and time constraints, so that's only fair. I totally agree with him.

I feel like a weight has been lifted. Now I can begin wearing my maternity clothes without worry because he doesn't mind if people know, as long as it doesn't get back to his parents or my grandma that lives near his parents until we've had a chance to see them and tell them first. Can you say happy? That' s me right now. :)

Ok, so two updates in one day. That's gotta be some kind of record. I so deserve a twist cone from McDonalds right now.

A breakthru....maybe?

Ok, so up til last night, hubby hasn't wanted me to tell anyone about the baby. He is totally freaked out that there's something wrong with it because of the things he was exposed to overseas and the various meds he's on now. I've talked to the doctor's office and they told me that what happens with the daddy usually has no bearing on the health of the fetus. So, less than 1% chance anything being wrong with the baby is what they said. I told him that and he still insisted we not tell anyone.

I didn't listen. I told mom, who told dad. I also told a few friends at work and my sister. Hubby had only told one person, a friend he works with, and almost refused to talk to me about anything concerning the baby. Long story short, his best friend lives in Arizona, and he hadn't told him yet, which was kind of an insult to me. Well, last night, he finally told him. We call him Uncle Ben cuz he's been part of our "family" since Isaiah was just a little over a year old. He was there when Noah was born too. Uncle Ben is one of those people that once you're friends, it automatic family. Ben is totally excited, although I'm not sure if he's told his wife, Stacy, yet or not. I can't wait til they move back to this area so we can see them more.

So, this is a break thru, right? I mean, if hubby is telling people, then that means he accepting the idea of another child. I'm kinda hopeful now that he will lighten up a bit and be happy about this baby. I know he's not resentful, just terribly worried. So, I'm feeling a bit better about his view of the pregnancy.

On another note, hubby finally got a taste of the dog from hell and her attitude problem. He came home from work this morning (he works nights), and let her out to potty. Since she had broken the tie out cable, she was staying in the garage. Well, he let her out and she took off. He spent an hour and a half looking for her, and then found her out back with Butter. He was ready to just shoot her and get it over with. Call me hateful, but it was all I could do to not laugh. Serves him right for giving me shit about not being able to catch her.

So, the stupid demon dog is now tied out on a cable rated for 250lb dogs, with a 2 foot stake in the ground that has a swivel on it. If she gets loose again, then I say "good riddance". Damn dog.

Back to the baby thing. I suppose I have to tell grandma today. I mean, my clothes don't fit, so I have to start wearing my maternity stuff. And, as much as I would like to entertain the idea, even at 75 years old, she won't mistake maternity clothes for regular. So, I must bite the bullet. And then I'll probably have to piss and moan and threaten to make sure she keeps her bloody mouth shut. See, grandma, as sweet as she can be, is a gossip hound. She can't keep her mouth shut! If she knows something about one of us, she tells the entire friggin' family. So, I must somehow squash that urge in her before it becomes a problem. Wish me luck. It's like trying to keep the titanic from sinking.

One more thing, then I'll be done for now. I feel so dang bitchy. I mean, I feel like I'm constantly yelling at the boys, or snapping at hubby or grandma. I swear this baby is a girl. My pregnancy symptoms are so few, 'cept that urge to rip someone's head off and shit down their throat. That symptom is alive and well. Do you suppose I'll feel nicer after the first trimester? I mean, it's gotta be the estrogen, right? Cuz we all know that estrogen is technical for "bitch".

I'm crabby and the dog hates me

Forgive me if I repeat myself. I am so crabby and I tend to go on and on about stuff if it really pisses me off. First things first, I think this baby must be a girl because I don't remember ever being so moody with the other pregnancies. I mean, I can be a total nightmare if I want to, but I try really hard not to be. However, this pregnancy seems to be none of the *normal* pregnancy symtoms and all about hormone moodiness. Yesterday I was fine for most of the day, but the evening came and my claws came out. Of course, my husband has his own set of claws that stay at the ready, so I have to keep myself in check much of the time. Last night he had some issues with his car and rather than just figure out how to fix it, he gets all pissy and moody and in turn, makes me pissy and moody. By bedtime (which didn't come til after 1am), I was ready to just scream at him til I felt better, which would have been a long time. Anyway, I'm over it now.

I do have one complaint. Isn't the pregnant woman supposed to get out of the crappy household jobs? Ya know, changing the cat litter, chasing down the loose dog, carrying in the animal food from the car? All of those things I've done in the last 24 hours. I mean, hubby's back was sore from working on the house and such, but a 20 p0und bag of cat food wouldn't have killed him. And this morning, the stupid, stupid dog broke a 2000lb-rated cable and got loose. Who do you think had to go out in the friggin' rain to get her?! That's right. It was me. Soaked to the bone, pissed off from having to get up so early, and really wanting to scream and cry at the same time, I tell hubby "She's got to go. I'm done." His reaction? "Uh! Why?!" Well, I'll tell you why. This bitch of a dog has only been part of our family for a month or so. I have chased her through this neighborhood atleast 3 times, and she runs from me no matter what I do. I could be laying on the dang ground, with a raw steak around my neck and she would run from me. I have never been mean to this dog, and I like her well enough, so what gives? So, I finally get her this morning, get her in the garage, and then we have a "Senior Moment". Grandma, at 75 years old, has apparantly never learned to ask for the things she wants properly. My truck was behind her car and she was leaving. Rather than ask me to move, she OPENS THE GARAGE. Psycho dog is in there, and once again, is loose. All because Grandma thought that by opening the garage and pulling in, she could back out at an angle and get out of the driveway without my truck being moved. OMG. There are no words. Really.

So, hubby goes out, calls that stupid dog's name, and what does she do? COMES RIGHT TO HIM. I swear the dog hates me. Whatever. If she gets loose again, I'm not looking for her. She'll either come back or she won't, but my dog-catching days are over.

A few good things today, so far. Isaiah's t-ball practice was cancelled because of rain, which was nice for me because there were lots of garage sales today inspite of the rain. I need maternity clothes, so I took my chances. I found 6 outfits, 2 pants, 1 shorts, 3 shirts, and a "What to Expect" book all for about $20. I think that's pretty great. Cute little capri outfits that I will look absolutely adorable in as soon as my pooch looks more like baby bulge than my fat runneth over.

Well, I'm off to find Noah some crocs. Found some for Isaiah, but Noah has been a challenge. Seems these shoes are so popular that no one can keep them in stock. I guess I should clarify, we are sporting the payless version. No way would I pay $30 for shoes for a 2 and 6 year old.

I'm sure I'll have some more complaining to do later. Until then, pray for the 9th to come quickly!

Lunch Hour

This is normally my lunch hour time, when I come home from work, curl up beside my sleeping husband and take a half hour nap. However, today, I decided I better eat some lunch, which lead me to surfing the net, and I ended up here.

Lunch wasn't all that great, just a cheese sandwich. I hate to cook.

Last night I had to go buy some clothes. My pants are literally too tight (already!). I bought a really cute pair of black and pink athletic pants, an army drab skirt, and a pair of plum w/gold pin stripes crops. I also bought a new pair of black crocs, since they are the best kind of shoes for me right now. I love them!

Several people I've talked to about this pregnancy seem to think I could be having twins. See, my dad is an identical twin, and so is his mother. I'm not sure on the genetics of it, but I do know it's passed down via the maternal gene, so does that mean I could still have them? Well, of course it does. I lost twins before I got pregnant with my oldest, so it's always a possibility. Do *I* think I'm having twins? Uh, well, see, I'm not sure. I don't recall having a pooch at 7 weeks with the others, and I have one now. And, on the flip side, my pregnancy symptoms are very muted. Usually with mulitples the symptoms are exaggerated. Who knows? I suppose God does and that's the way it is for now.

I'm terribly excited about my first appointment. I have heard fabulous things about the doctor I'm seeing, and I'm hoping for first baby pictures that day. I'm sure I'll get a scan to check my dates, so we might be able to tell if it's one or two babies in there. I definitely want to have the child natural too. And by natural, I don't mean without drugs. I'm not freakin' crazy after all, just pregnant. I mean, I want to have a vaginal birth. My first was an emergency c-section, and he wasn't in the best condition upon birth. I had an ignorant doctor. My second was a VBAC, and it was hard, and the baby wasn't tolerating all that well, but I did it, and he was fine. I hyperventilated and couldn't feel my face, but if they woulda kept my epidural a little stronger it wouldn't have been that way.

Anyway, I want natural...with drugs. :) I also want to hold the baby, all slimy and yucky. I want a mirror to watch the birth, a video camera to capture it all, and my mom and husband in there with me. I didn't get any of that the last time. It was a military hospital and they suck. So, this time, it's my call. I want that little baby right there on my belly before the life line between us is cut and we are separate. I don't know why, but those are my wishes. And, since I *am* pregnant, I reserve the right to change or modify those wants a thousand times before and during labor. :)

I suppose that's about all I know for now. I'm really kinda diggin' this blog thing, so maybe I'll keep up with it better than I originally thought. Now I just have to learn how to link other blogs, and post pictures here. That oughta be fun.

Introduction

Well, this is my newest endeavor. I read many, many blogs but have never started one of my own till now. Of course, at the urging of a friend (Kat!), I decided this would be the best thing for me to do right now.

A week ago tomorrow, I found out that I'm pregnant. Again. This will be pregnancy number 5, baby number 3. I think I stopped breathing for about 30 minutes when I saw the test. I immediately went to Wal-Mart and purchased a "First Response". It was also positive. Wow.

I have no words really, I'm just wingin' it. I'm totally blown away, yet in a secret place in my heart, I couldn't be happier. I really want a girl. Lord, *please* let it be a girl.

Ok, so that said, I suppose I should give a little background. I am 28, married for almost 9 years, and I have two boys. My oldest, Isaiah, is 6 and my youngest as of now, Noah, is 2. Van, my husband, is an Iraqi war veteran with 2 Purple Hearts. He was shot in the neck by a sniper and is a walking medical miracle. Doctors cannot explain why he alive and not paralyzed, but I know why. The Lord has always kept us safe, kept us fed and clothed, and held us in His hands. I know that He will continue to do so.

Let's see, what else is important? Oh, I work full time and I am a full time college student. (Great timing on the baby thing, huh?!) We are a family with 7 pets and we live with my grandmother for the time being. We have a St. Bernard named Butter, a PitBull/Bull Mastiff mix named Spork (don't ask), two cats: Blue and Sidda, and three rats: Stewart, Rex, and Fat Albert. We are rennovating a house, built in 1900, and hope to have it finished to move in by the middle of July. We simply cannot have another child while living with Grandma.

I have some really great friends, online and in real life. I spend lots of time with my parents, and my mom is my best friend. I mean, my husband is my best friend like only husbands can be, but I need my mommy. :)

Ok, so this post is all over the place. I swear I'll get better at this. And if I don't, well, it's my blog, right? Bless you if you've read this far.

Till next time.