OB appt

I don't know how to post pics yet, but I'm gonna try. I have the cutest picture of the baby, and you can see arms and legs even! I didn't get to hear the heartbeat today, but I did get to see it on the scan. The baby is doing very well, the placenta is firmly attached, and the heartbeat is strong. I did have a bleed, which the technician said is an "implantation site" bleed. I thought those only occured early in pregnancy, but she assured me that it is very normal and no cause for concern. It's not bleeding anymore, so she said it is fine. I go back on June 30, so hopefully we'll get to hear the heartbeat then. My new official due date is January 1, 2007.

Oh yeah! The doc is awesome and she gave me some prenatal vitamins that are supposed to help keep my nausea down. I can't wait to try them! :)

Ok, so loading pics is easier than I thought. Here she (or he) is! :)

Blah, blah, and more blah.

Today sucks. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I have sooooo much to do. I think I'm taking the morning off on Friday to get caught up. I'm flying to Georgia Friday afternoon for the wedding, and I still don't have a dress for the damn thing. I have got to get caught up.

I feel like crap. I can't get this sinus crap to go away and of course, I can't take anything for it. I have about 6 canker sores right now because I ate tomato soup and I'm allergic to it, so now I must pay the price. Holy shit, can it get any better? Well, of course it can. On top of it all, Noah is on antibiotics for ear infections, and has a bloody nose about once a day right now because his nasal passages are so dry. Yipee.

Isaiah is doing well. Last day of kindergarten is Friday. He is such a big boy. He's so smart and so very artistic. I can't believe how much like me he is. It's almost frightening sometimes. Thank goodness he got his daddy's looks and my brains. The child is going to be a millionaire someday. It's a good thing too, cuz Mama ain't feeling it for herself, yanno?

Sweetie is good, baby is good. I just need a break. Maybe Noah will let me sleep on the plane. Yeah, right. I just hope the flight doesn't send me into puking sessions and migraines tics. Lord, a little help? Amen.

Oh yeah, and Aunt Hayley just knows she's going to have a new "niece". Obviously we all hope she's right. Poor baby, if it turns out to be a boy, he's seriously gonna need therapy. I love you, baby, no matter what you are. *heart*

General updates

Let's see....what's new...hmmm. Well, first and foremost, my little sister is getting married!! Her boyfriend of 2 years finally proposed Thursday night, and she said yes, of course. They are wanting a small wedding in September. I'm pretty excited. I mean, I've been married almost 9 years, so it's her turn already! She asked me to be maid of honor, which is so cool. Of course, my baby belly will be substantial by then, but oh well. I can't wait. I already call S her husband anyway, and the boys are already starting to call him "uncle", so this just makes it official. They are having red and silver as their colors, and I picked out a dress for her before she decided to have a dress. And, it's almost identical to the dress she picked out on her own. Do I know my sister, or what?! LOL

Morning sickness sucks. And more than that, morning sickness that lasts all day and night sucks big donkey hoo-hoo. I have not had a cigarette since the 16th and I'm feeling pretty good about that. My biggest complaint, aside from the sickness in general, is that I can't even drink a freakin' Coke without wanting to hurl. How unfair is that? I love soda, and I can't even drink it. Ugh.

The 26th I'm flying to Georgia because my cousin is getting married and Noah is the ring bearer. He's gonna be so cute in his tux. I promise to take pics. Then I just have to figure out how to put the pics up on here, huh? Isaiah is staying home with Sweetie because airline tickets are too expensive for all four of us to go. I'm hoping to see my girlfriend Kristin while I'm in GA. We used to live down the street from each other. She and her husband were our best friends. Her husband was murdered and she moved home to Alabama. I just hope she has time for lunch or something. I miss her terribly. And I haven't seen b-boy since he was like 2 years old or something. Time sure flies.

Not much else going on. I'm so way behind in housework and homework. This puky feeling just doesn't allow me to do much. Lord, help me get through the next few weeks. Til next time.....

Fever sucks!

Both of my boys have been sick. Isaiah started last Friday with a fever, sent home from school. He stayed feverish and coughing until last night, and finally went to school today. Noah started yesterday at the sitter with a fever, and still has it. He is coughing too. And, since he's laying in my bed right now, I can say that I think he's on the verge of puking. The child keeps belching and it smells rancid. I mean, like if he doesn't puke, whatever is causing that odor is going to eat thru his stomach. It's gross. Lord, please let us get thru this night with some peace and rest.

Today is my first day smoke free. I had three smokes yesterday and the same the day before. After the last one yesterday, I just knew I was done. I almost yaked. I feel good today. I am so proud of myself for letting it go. My goal is to not start again, even after the baby gets here. I hope I can perservere.

That's all for today. Gotta comfort my sick baby right now. Til next time....

Happy Mother's Day!

A little late is better than never.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Since I had a fairly good day, I wanted to wish all of you who read my blog a wonderful day too, even though it's almost over. I didn't get anything special today in the way of physical presents, but what I did get made my day. Sweetie's car caught fire today and he was late for work, forgot his cell phone, and had an all around shitty day. I was at mom's and she doesn't answer calls that don't give a caller id name, so his collect calls went unanswered for more than half an hour. I finally answered after 4 "unknown name, unknown number" calls came through. It was Sweetie, and he told me of the pyrotechnics that had taken place and about his forgotten cell phone. The poor thing, he was 6 blocks from work, but couldn't leave his car for fear of it being towed. And because he has about a grand worth of electronics in it that would have been promptly stolen if left unattended.

So, that all sounds awful huh? Well, the present I'm referring to was the way Sweetie handled it all. Now, under normal circumstances, he probably would have unloaded his 40 caliber Glock into that POS car, reloaded and shot it up some more. However, since the doubling of his meds for PTSD, he remained calm. Atleast calm for him. He wasn't angry that I didn't answer the phone right away, he wasn't screaming about the car, and when things worked out and he got the car home, and I got here later, he was sweet and let me take a short nap. He never once got cranky with me. I know that may seem very odd for some of you thinking it wasn't my fault to begin with, but living with PTSD isn't easy. Read up on it, and the symptoms will help you understand my joy in his control today. I love that man. I've always loved him, but today, I realized for the billionth time, why I love him. Because he is exceptional, and he overcomes the most horrid experiences and is still able to love me back. Love and affection don't come easily for someone with PTSD, so I am greatful for everyday we have together that he remains on the sane side of the line. I know someday he'll be better than today, but the glimpse of normal I saw in him today was wonderful. Thank goodness for therapists and good medication management.

Anyway, I hope you all spent a great day with loved ones. Happy Mommy Day, friends.

This journey I'm on....

So, when I first found out I was pregnant, I didn't realize how fortunate I was. I wasn't sick, my boobs didn't hurt, my sex drive remained unchanged, and I was genuinely thrilled to be having it so easy. Well, much to my dismay, that has ALL changed. Why is it that women must travel down this road of pregnancy, mostly on their own, with no breaks from the torture that generations of women before us have endured?

Since my last post, I have become a walking bucket of vomit, that can't quite seem to release itself from the structure that houses it. I hate to have that puky feeling, but never get the satisfaction of actually emptying the offending substance from my stomach. I have lived on saltines and water for days now. And that pesky smoking habit? It's almost squashed. I went from a pack-a-day smoker to about 5 smokes in one day. I have no doubt that I could probably never pick up another cigarette. However, because I'm stubborn, and I refuse to quit on any standards but my own, I've had 5 today. I figure when this pack is gone, I'll be done with them. I can't guarantee I'll never smoke again in my life, but until this baby is in my arms, I think I'm done. The only time one even remotely tastes good is at work when I'm on break, and I could just go across the street and get a custard sundae in place of a cigarette. Hell, I'm gaining weight anyway, so why not enjoy the good things in life, right?

On top of wanting to blow chunks with every tiny body movement and not being able to enjoy my ONE vice, my boobs feel like they have been squished and pinched to the point of swelling and deep tissue bruising. I am rather blessed in that area to begin with, and with every child, my cup size has gone up. From a C with the first, to a D with the second, and now sitting at a DD. I wonder how much money I'll have to spend to buy a good fitting bra once this baby gets here? I don't even know what the next cup size is! Lord, please have mercy on me. My boobs are big enough, thankyouverymuch.

As you probably can surmise, because of the aforementioned afflictions, I have no sex drive now. How unfortunate for sweetie. He has been very good about this, and has even been sympathetic to my "morning" sickness. Now if I could get him to agree to getting his "boys" incapacitated, he'd be perfect. Ok, not perfect, but wonderful, nonetheless. He has a real aversion to even thinking about getting "fixed" because it involves his manly bits. What a baby, right? I told him that it's only fair, since I have to go thru all this blah-ness of pregnancy and he gets to sit by and simply feel sorry for me. He doesn't agree.

Well, I suppose that's the best update I have for now. The house is a mess, the laundry is piled up, and the dishes have been waiting for a few days. I guess that's how it goes until the second trimester kicks in. Please pray for sanity.

First OB appointment

Well, today was the day. I had so many mixed feelings about this appointment. I just KNEW I was gonna find out I was carrying twins, but that didn't happen. Instead, I gave a complete history, had blood drawn, peed in a cup, had a pap smear, and then, an ultrasound. Everything is fine. I am not quite as far along as I thought. Of course, I think there could be a mistake, but I don't know for sure. I had believed that I was about 8 1/2 weeks along, but the ultrasound showed that I am only about 6 weeks and 1 day along. Hmmm. I didn't think I had miscalculated that badly.

The ultrasound was awesome. It never ceases to amaze me at how a little wand can see the earliest signs of life within the womb. I am growing my 3rd baby, and I still almost cried when I saw the tiny heart beating. It's very early, so the heart just began beating in the last few days. It was so......reassuring. All the information I've read says that the chance of miscarriage decreases majorly after the heartbeat is heard and/or seen. And today, I finally accepted that I am growing a little miracle. I mean, I had accepted it, so maybe that's not the right word. Maybe the correct word would be.....believed. I don't know, but either way, our baby is fine. He/She has a strong heartbeat of 104, which is very normal for this early in a pregnancy. The yolk sac is visible, right next to the baby. My ovaries look great, and there is no evidence of a tubal pregnancy.

The technician only saw one baby. Sweetie is convinced that she missed something because he still believes we are going to have twins. I suppose it's possible that it's identical twins and that only one could be seen this early. It's also possible that Sweetie is just hopeful. I don't know. Either way, I just want a healthy baby, preferably a girl. :)

I'm not sure I like the doctor's office that I chose. They won't use pitocin for a VBAC delivery, so if my labors stalls, I get an automatic c-section. I'm not sure I'm happy with that. I had a c-section with Isaiah, and Noah was a VBAC with pitocin. I want to VBAC again. I don't want to be cut open unless it's dire. Is that too much to ask? I think I may change doctor's. Not sure yet, but after I contact the original choice of doctor and find out their policy, it's entirely possible that my doctor will be completely different than the one I have now. I'll update about that after the decision is made.

Anyway, not much else to report. I have a picture of the baby, but it's just a little circle. Not really a discernible baby. Once I figured out how to post pictures on here, I'll put it up. But don't laugh, cuz that little circle really is our surprise. :)

Oh, my aching head!

Short post tonight. I feel like crap. I have a major headache, boarderline migraine, and nothing to take for it. Of course, Tylenol would be fine I suppose, but I don't even have any of that! So, my eyes are squinty, my tummy is queasy, my body is achy, and my brain is fried.

My children were so crazy earlier that I screamed at them so hard that my head throbbed. I figure it's better to scream at them than to spank them repeatedly. Of course, I'm not sure our neighbors, IN CHINA, appreciate my tone.

I'm tired. My head is pounding. I'm going to bed.

My day with Sweetie

If you haven't noticed yet, I haven't used sweetie's name. Well, call me paranoid, but I just can't get past the idea of naming all my family members on a public internet site. Of course, most of you who read this know all of our names, and I've already listed my boys' names. Ok, call me crazy.

Anyway, today was sweetie's appointment at the VA to help determine his disability for his injuries sustained during his military service. The doctor was an older man, very nice, and very thorough. We spent from 8:30 this morning til 11:30 in his office while he examined sweetie and noted every single ailment he has. So, sweetie has to disrobe to just his "undershorts". Normally he goes commando, but insisted on underwear this morning. (Thank Goodness!!) All of the normal deep breaths and blood pressure checks and reflexes. Then the doc has sweetie stand up from the table and face him. As I watch, the doc lowers sweeties "undershorts" and this is the conversation that I hear:

Doc: My, that's a very nice circumcision you've got there.
Sweetie: Uh....thanks?.
Doc: Did you have this done as an infant? Do you have any recollection of your circumcision?
Sweetie: Um, no.
Doc: Well, they did a really good job. It's very nice.

Of course, I am laughing hysterically. I could NOT control it. Sweetie, in prime form, lifts one hand and flips me off, which made me laugh even harder. It was SO funny. Of course, then the doc says, "This exam requires a rectal exam, please bend over the table." OMG!! I couldn't believe the doc was gonna do a prostate exam with me in the room! However, he did.

I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say, sweetie felt very....violated. This was his first ever butt probe, and the whole circumcision conversation, well, he just really felt yucky. (LOL) I tried to explain that women have to be violated in a similar way once a year, but he says that isn't the same. I say it is. And, I reminded him, while pregnant women have to have that dang strep B test where they swab your bunghole.

Poor baby, I feel bad for laughing at him. Ok, not really. But I do sympathize. It sucks to be violated, no matter how it's done. :)

(This will have to be continued later, as the day was not nearly as fun after the appointment.)

Ms. Cranky-pants

Oh, I am SO cranky today. I was almost in tears earlier, and for no particular reason. I was just....mad. The boys wouldn't listen, sweetie was on the internet, and grandma was trying to talk to me from the other room. I just wanted to freakin' scream!

I felt yucky today. I've decided that the baby doesn't like soda, so I get sick when I drink it. Not like puking, but just really queasy and all around gross feeling. So, I drank about 3 bottles of water today, and some gatorade, and I feel better. I love soda though. I live on Pepsi. However, I guess I'll be staying away from it until this little booger makes her appearance.

Sweetie is totally convinced it's twins. I just can't wrap my brain around that idea. I mean, it would be so neat, but am I ready for that? Probably not. I would be so....so....umm...well, shocked. I would be beside myself. I mean, I would probably be thrilled once that shock wore off, but my fear is that the shock wouldn't wear off for a long while. Lord, give me strength.

So, did I tell ya sweetie would hate the names I picked out? Well, he does. Absolutely hates them. Well, not ALL of them. He likes Benjamin. Only because that's Uncle Ben's name. Every other name I picked out, he hated. He doesn't even care for Hannah, but I told him that was non-negotiable. So, I asked him what name he would like. He likes Jasmine. He has always liked that name, and I knew that. So, for now, if it's ONE baby, and it's a GIRL, I think her name will be Hannah Jasmine. Of course, I'll call her Hannah, and he'll call her Jazzy. Now, as for a boy, (Lord, please let it be a girl!), his name would be Matthew Benjamin. I really like the names switched, but my nephews name is Reuben, and we call him Ben, so that's reason for the order of the names. We'd probably call him Matt. Not sure though. Matt is the name of one of our best buds that was murdered, and his wife Kristin is still our best bud. We don't talk much, but she and her b-boy are always close to our hearts and in our prayers. Before we name a child Matthew, I'll have to have her blessing. I would never want to do anything like that without making sure it was ok first.

So, now that sweetie thinks it's twins, I may have to trade in my awesome pickup for a minivan. Not such a bad deal, since I'm totally the soccer mom type, but money makes me regress into the fetal position and want to suck my thumb. I hate to get into loan contracts. I hate to owe someone payments forever. And what's worse, I HATE to think about the rollover from my current loan to a new one. I was 10-grand upside down in my last car, so the current loan is very steep and induces regret and anger in myself and sweetie. So, thinking about doing it again is just ludicrus.

I guess that's all for today. I am so tired. My crankiness it starting to get to me, and of course, I can't take medication for it because I'm pregnant. Yipee for me, bring on the hormones.

My belly, the dog, and my job

Today has been a rough day. I mean, not a terrible day, just a....blah day.

Work was SO boring today. I think I did about a half hour worth of work, and spent the rest of the day answering stupid questions for taxpayers that just can't seem to understand the way the market fluctuates. People are always calling in because their assessed value of home and land increased. Well, if you bought your home 20 friggin' years ago, the taxes are gonna be higher now than what they were when you bought it! And, if you build a new home, then yes, you'll be taxed for it. It's not a hard concept. Geez.

The stupid ass dog apparantly got loose AGAIN. Grandma was home, and the next across the street helped her get the dog back in the back yard. I bought a dog tie-out stake rated for dogs over 100 lbs, and she pulled it OUT of the GROUND! I cannot stand that dog. I'm so ready to get rid of her.

My belly. Oh how it grows. I'm not all that large yet, but too large for my normal pants. However, I'm not large enough for maternity tops. I put them on and feel like I'm trying to show off or something because maternity tops are made for *baby* bellies. Mine is not yet in that category. It's depressing. Normal shirts make me look huge, maternity make me look tiny. I can't win. In a month, those tops will be great though, so that's a plus.

Names. I spent alot of today going thru baby names. I picked two girl names and two boy names. See, lots of people think I'm having twins. They run in the family and I lost twins before I got pregnant with Isaiah. So, I'm entertaining the idea, to say the least. Here are the names I've picked out, which sweetie will probably hate:

Girls: Hannah Danyelle, and call her Dani; and Heather Charlotte, and call her Charli.
Boys: James Benjamin, and call him Jamie; and Joshua Simon, and call him Josh.

I'm not real stuck on the boys' names because I really want girls. I love the nicknames for the girls, but I would probably end up calling them Hannah and Charli. Who knows. Hannah is a must, but the others are all negotiable.

I changed my first doctors appointment. I did have it scheduled with a great doctor in a neighboring town. However, the VA hospital scheduled a bunch appointments for sweetie on the same day that can't be changed. So, rather than wait til the middle of May to see the same doc, I switched all together. So, my first appointment is May 8th at 8:45am. Hopefully we'll get a sonogram that day to make sure the baby is good, check my dates, and check for twins. I'll let you know how that goes.